Why a Blog?

"Why don't you start a blog? It will give you a place to tell about what you're going through- so you can send the link to people instead of having to say everything over and over again."

That was how I got started here. B, my dear husband and best friend, suggested it to me. I am suddenly thrust into a world that I know so little about, that is so emotionally charged for me, that I need a place to collect my thoughts. Catalog memories. Ruminate.

This is that place.

I don't promise eloquent writing, high literature, or even logical, clear thinking. I do promise honesty and being candid about what I'm dealing with, how I feel about it, and probably a zillion little observations along the way.

=== 

Originally published 3/31/2015


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Just Spending a Little Time

Image
  I have a hard time doing nothing. Doing nothing is probably the hardest part of these days off after each treatment. I don't feel well enough (actually, strong or energetic enough) to go out and "do" things - but feeling too well to do "nothing". Moreover, I feel like I should be doing things, and feel a little guilty because I'm not out there clearing the garden, tending the fruit trees (spraying a little biological control on the peach leaf rollers) and planting the vegetable starts that seem to have taken up a life of their own on the front patio. But, ya know, it's only 9:25 on Monday morning. Things could get better today. I very purposefully took the five days after each treatment off so that I could recover, rest, and charge up my batteries a bit before jumping back into work until the next treatment. Sometimes I feel like I've taken too much time, but then I go do something (even folding laundry!) and I'm reminded right away of why I...
Read more

Planning for Change

Image
Last Wednesday, I visited the Tallest Barber in Garibaldi. Tami's cut my hair a few times in the past five or six years - I've donated twice to Locks of Love - but this chair time was for a different reason than in the past. Dr. D told me that my hair follicles will soon quit growing hair for a while, and that when the follicle quits growing hair, it lets go of the hair that is attached. Tami said that it doesn't happen all at once - and for some it doesn't happen much at all - but I decided that I wanted to be out ahead of this thing rather than go through the anguish of losing long hair. I've worn my hair long for about ten years - and have had hip length hair twice during that time. Long hair had become kind of a marker of identity for me. I guess you could say that I had an emotional attachment to my long braid, even though it made me look older than I am and I was often irritated that it took so much effort to wash, comb, and take care of. My hair iss...
Read more

An Open Letter to My Mother

Image
  By now, Mom, I know you've heard about the invader they found in my lymph nodes. I didn't want to tell you, envisioning the fear and hot panic in your brown eyes, just like I saw it when you spoke of my lost brother Michael. I didn't want to do that to you. But, Mom, I have to tell you, so you'll know that I'll be alright. There is hope now, and medicines that work - cancer is not just loss and pain and death. I'm getting good care. Family and friends surround me with love and good wishes; their strong energy bouys me on days like today. I know you're scared for me, Mom. I am, too. I'm scared of losing my hair. I'm scared of being sick and so tired that it would be nearly effortless to just quit breathing. I'm scared of being alone - like  you were. (We are all alone in death, aren't we?) It's been years since we've talked, and I know I was often unkind to you. Your illnesses scared me and made me want to run and hide  - not becaus...
Read more